Friendship is important. Don’t marry a stranger and hope that you’ll get along in time. Begin with a strong foundation of love, shared beliefs, similar interests, and mutual trust. Expect your partner to remain the same. People change, but not in the manner you may expect. Assume your boyfriend will always have a drug problem if he has one now. Assume you’re marrying Someone who has a drug problem rather than Someone who will stop using drugs over time, and ask yourself if you can live with that.
Assume she won’t want children in the future if she doesn’t want them now. Assume he’ll always have a temper if he has one. Consistently communicate, and communicate about everything. If you have a huge secret in your life that you don’t want to share with your spouse (a fetish, a crime you committed, a buddy you betrayed), it will almost certainly lead to troubles in the future.
Now is the time to get it out in the open and create a foundation of honesty. The partnership is highly valued. You’re in trouble if this isn’t a high value for both of you. It’s a red flag if you have a lot of “deal breakers” or if you say to yourself, “Should I stay or should I go?” every time there’s an issue. If you’re both devoted to solving problems and see all challenges as shared problems, your marriage will have a better chance of succeeding.
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