You and your companion will have a lot to understand about each other at the start of the young relationship. Whilst it’s simple to be transparent and upfront about the enjoyable, cheerful stuff — like your favourite guilty pleasure movie or your most embarrassing childhood experience — it’s not always so easy when it comes to the big, terrifying, emotional stuff. But, even if you believe you can trust your spouse, why is it so difficult to open up and be vulnerable in a relationship?
Gwendolyn Nelson-Terry, MA, LMFT, tells Bustle, “There is this sense that being vulnerable equals putting oneself up to attack.” “However, to develop closeness with your spouse, it is vital to be vulnerable within a relationship. In a relationship, being vulnerable involves letting your lover know everything about you: your thoughts, feelings, struggles, and flaws. It might be frightening to reveal such aspects of ourselves to our partners for fear of being criticised.”
It’s not often easy to share all of yourself with someone you care about, but being able to open up in a relationship is essential if you want to develop closeness and make a lasting partnership.
“It’s critical to be able to open up to our relationships because to establish closeness, our partners must know and accept all aspects of who we are, the good and the terrible,” Nelson-Terry adds. “True intimacy can only be established in this manner. We are recognised, acknowledged, encouraged, and loved. We dare to be ourselves, and our partner welcomes, embraces, and supports all of our flaws.”
There’s hardly anything like being completely secure and loved by someone, and the more your partner learns about you, the more accepting they will be. Here are seven professional recommendations to help you become more vulnerable in your relationship if you’re having problems being vulnerable with your partner and want to open up. (Keep in mind that it’s perfectly fine if you don’t feel ready to talk about something: take your time and don’t force it.)
If you’re having trouble telling your spouse about some of the more unpleasant aspects of your past (or present), the first step is to check in with yourself and consider why you’re afraid to open up in your relationship.
Chris Armstrong, Certified Relationship Coach and Founder/Owner of Maze of Love, tells Bustle, “Take a close look at what’s creating your reluctance.” “Do you find it difficult to open yourself in some situations? Is it more difficult to be vulnerable with other people in your life or just with your partner? It’s critical to go to the base of the apprehension.”
It’s easier said than done, and it can be a lengthy process, to figure out why you’re having trouble opening up about particular topics. It’s critical to find the perfect words within yourself before approaching your partner on a difficult subject.
Deciding to start opening up in your relationship doesn’t have to be a big deal right away; instead, start with small steps and be more vulnerable with the minor things first.
When it comes to learning to be vulnerable, practice makes perfect, as it does with many things in life. But what does it mean to “train” yourself to be more open?